A Troubled Mind, An Open Heart

Recently I've been unsure on what to write. Unsure of what I should say on here and unsure of myself, well, pretty much unsure of everything. It's become one of those times in my life where I just feel like giving up because everything is getting just so hard. This is one of those times I feel myself slipping, know it's happening (obviously!!), but have yet to do anything about it. I need to suck it up and just make myself feel better. I know one of the issues buggin me is that I have pretty much zero spending money, but that should not or ever rule my happiness! EVER! People get by on so much less that I have it's not even funny and I get all down and want to cry because I can't afford to go out and buy a soda when I want one. I had a thought today that if a billionaire paid off all my bills and left me with a little money to help me, would I even be happy then? I think if someone instantly paid off all my bills I wouldn't learn my lesson. I am so used to giving myself the glitters in life that the natural light that appears with Gods loves is being look over. I need to remember the warmth and love I felt when I walked around on temple square. I want my whole life to feel that way but it only can when I let it happen. My cousin posted on her facebook page today "Faith, it's when you close your eyes and open your heart." I need to do that pretty much last year, yet I still can't bring myself to find it in me to reach that spiritual ledge and jump! I want to go to college so bad. I want to do something with my life that I can be proud of and that my family and friends can be proud of but most importantly that my Lord can be proud of. Right now if he evaluated my life I think he would bow his head and shed a tear. I know he is always there for me and ready for me to invite him in. The invitation is signed, sealed, but certainly not delivered. Oh these times we live in are hard but rewarding for the few that choose to follow. I need to follow the light in this ever darkening world. Okay, that's enough of self pity for now. Today is a new day...after I get some sleep and I will use it for His will not my own.